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Circle of life: [Part I]- Soil Erosion & The Fat Cow Theory!

Monday, September 14, 2009 47 Comments

Once upon a time, when I was a small girl, I used to go to school. The name of my school was Holy Cross Convent School and my class teacher in standard four, section B, English medium was Miss Elsamma Varghese. Miss Varghese was a very strict teacher, always ready with the ruler in her hands and I did not like her as much as I liked my class II class teacher, Miss Asha Wilson.

Miss Wilson was my favourite class teacher. She was a very-very sweet miss who never punishes me hard. She will also not charge me much fine even if I beat a boy in my class and wrap his neck with his own school tie. But Miss Elsamma will give a lot of punishments and if she were to see my English here, she would have fined me with a lot of my nanaji’s money. [Gosh, it is so tough being a child but I will still try].

One day Miss Varghese took our class on soil erosion. She taught about various causes of soil erosion including cattle grazing for prolonged hours. The lesson was short, simple and miss said it would be in the syllabus for the next school unit tests. [I loved the short part as it got me ample time to play with Shahnawaz Khan and Cezo of my class]

The dreaded unit tests were there again. Miss kept her promise and asked the question for all 3 marks.

Original Question: Why we should not allow cows to graze the same land for a long time?
Original Answer: Heavy grazing causes land stripped of vegetation and rain hitting the barren land cause significant run-off, hence causing soil erosion.

Ekta’ Answer: We should not…because it causes soil erosion, a phenomenon where rain washes off the weak soil that is supported by grass roots.

When I saw the question, I almost jumped off my chair. I prepared this yesterday during the power failure that switched off my video game and made me pick the boring Social studies book. My non-stop gaming turned my nani into Hitler, threatening to pack off my Super Mario Bros. She thinks that my video games are spoiling me. Today I can proudly go home and tell her how i knew 70% of my test questions. I still wish if school test were like Video games. Imagine if they develop games on soil erosion, how interesting that would be to learn.

Next day after tests, Miss Varghese came to our class with test copies and another big stick in her hands. She kept the stick on the desk and dropped a bomb in the room. She said everybody passed in the paper but one student. My heart started beating fast. The classroom was looking like one big blackboard. Once I looked at the miffed expression on Miss’ face and next to the sharp stick on her table. Suddenly "past tense" made my present tense and I turned black & white, I mean flashback.

[Flashback]Nani told me to stop playing the video game and prepare for the social study test next day but I did not listen to her and continued jigging the Mario and his brother Luigi on my TV set. Then there was Miss Varghese who the other day scolded me not to play ink-ink with Shahnawaz khan and concentrate in her S. St class. [But this shahnawaz boy you know, actually you do not know him. He was the class topper in studies, sports, good looks and almost every girl in the class “lobhed” him.
[He was from section C that merged into our section B. Like nanaji’s business that often takes over the traders under his umbrella, we have taken over them…so snob ka sawal hi nahi hota] Every second girl in the class had a crush on him. How boring! It seems Miss also use to like him a lot and envy all girls who liked him. She made him sit next to me, making me an object of envy of all those stupid girls in the class. "Ek to waise bhi ladkiya mujhse kum baat karti thi, ab to aur bhi kum karegi". The teacher was so clever, she put both of us in the same "orange group" in the whole class whereas all other Red, blue and hee hee Green. You know the day when Miss was re-arranging the seating arrangement, ok that is a long story and irrelevant like Anish’ answer to the “soil erosion” question. Besides, Shahnawaz was not the snob he meant to be and we began to be good friends, having lots of fun in class. He loved my bicycle too but hey we are not talking about bicycles here, else Kanu will give me another award on writing extra long blogs..he hee]

A sudden thump on the table spelt off my past tense into present participle when Miss decided to read out ‘that’ funniest answer in the class. Oh no! Miss pl no. I will not talk to Shahnawaz again [in front of you] nor would I tell him the math’s sum a day before you teach it in class. Please do not call my name in front of the class. Thump-thump 1, dhak-dhak 2 and there she read the answer-

Ques: Why we should not allow cows to graze on the same land for a long time?
Answer: We should not allow cows to graze for more and more time on the same grass as the more and more and more the cow eats the grass, the more fatter and fatter cow becomes. Cows should not become fatter and so we should not allow them to eat more grass.

What? I mean Whoopi! This certainly is not me, not me. Ya da ya da ya ya..

The genius behind this great discovery was this shin Chan character of my class and he scored -1. Thank God! I wonder what Shahnawaz would think about me. Oh no, we were just good friends. Lolz…Regarding Shin Chang, I mean Anish? I am sure he would be in R&D team or joined MTV.

All's well that end's well but that is not the end here. That was just the relation between the cow and soil erosion, so now can you tell me the link between grass and butter? Think through and think hard… will see you in the next post.

The autor is half Human, half machine. Go Figure or just revel in what I write


  1. less rain = less grass = thin cows = less milk = less butter...

    As explained by Amul for tha shortage of butter in Bombay :-)

    school days are so much was a nice n quite way to extract revenge on that kid who scored more than you or who didnt share his lunch with you ;-)

    Very cute post...!

  2. Grass = Butter !

    So a green grass field or a slippery butter spread field ... its all the same !!

    this leads to a thought of Butter Hockey ! (give way Ice hockey... as it is there is no scope of this sport in India due to lack of snow/ice )....

  3. Hey... I loved this post much :) as kids, the thoughts are so creative and this kind of exams kills that... LOL
    I loved this fat cow theory... :) and your bit of thinking not to be called... me too used to pray like that at times when I do an exam badly :)

  4. @ Spike

    Whoa, you almost cracked it but chap i told you to think and not spill...never mind...welcome to my blog...Thanks a ton :)

    BTW i wasn't taking revenge by throwing ink on him...we were just having power fights or say gender fights and i was proving that girls are no less than boys, come whatever. BTW2 i use to love sharing my lunch...had no choice ..hee hee

  5. @ Sundeep

    Whoa...welcome to my blog...I am strying to imagine a butter spread field...wonder if ppl stop playing the game and start licking the field:)

    @ Kanu
    Thanks a ton buddy! I have btw mentioned you there too...hee you are my inspiration to write lesser longer post and get other awards from you :)

  6. He He FAT COW theory!! now somehow i dont think this is funny fiction and something yu were actually into:)! , I had a similar chemistry teacher....i came up with Crashing the conical flask theory! :).. ha ha welcome back to blog world.!


  7. @ hary

    Buddy its all fact and no fiction, straight from the leaf of my childhood memories.

    Conical flask theory makes a curious spot and I would like to know more about your exp do post on...Cheers and thanks for welcoming me back:)

  8. Oh no.... Ekta... that award is meant to whom write meaningful long posts and also keep the readers engaged to it.. :)

    you are able to do that... :)

    please continue.. I love your long posts... :)

  9. Ha ha ha...hilarious post there!!

    Written in a very very cute manner....kudos to you. :)

    And what a stark contrast from what you have written earlier. Some variety there!!

    Loved every bit of it. :)


  10. Hilarious post. Reminded me of my school days :(( .. Damn I am one nostalgic idiot :P

    P.S Fountainhead is one of my fav too. rRead Atlas shrugged also but do not touch any other books of that Author :P hehe

    Keep writing :)

  11. Ohhhhh...Poor Shin. He was so damn xconsiderate about the cows and the teacher failed to see through his concern. Lol

    Cute :)

  12. @ kanugu

    hey buddy you are spoiling me you for all the wonderful compliments..keep writing!

  13. @ bondgal

    Thanks aton buddy...loved all your compliments here. It actually gives me a high when fren say such a nicey cutey things..stay tuned:)

  14. @ Aditya

    Thanks a ton and welcome to my blogs. I have read only the fountain head of Ayn Rand and feel the same as the way you do with Atlas shrugged! :)

    Keep connected.

    @ An (A)mateur beginner
    Yup...that is why i said he must be in some R&D team of a healthcare unit:)

    Thanks for writing in...keep visiting.

  15. Your post reminded me of my school days!! Some teachers are very strict...n make your life really hell!!

    Grass n idea

  16. Rofl @ cows getting fat. Naicceee ;)

  17. Lol...loved the cows gettin fat wala answer!

  18. @ Nazish

    Thanks, i was little apprehensive about this experimentation. I am glad that ppl are liking this.

    @ Dhanya
    Thanks and welcome to Numerounity!

  19. that was rofl post. Cute, reminds me how stupid i was when in school. i wish i could write those tests now. :))

    What help do u need in Malayalam/tamil?

  20. first timer.. it was like one of those tv shows.. u were givin build ups after build ups.. total dramatization.. finally it was worth it in the end.. a long post indeed.. catchy title btw.. thts wat kept me going..

  21. hey ..I m after a long time.

    Ekta, how much marks did u get in S.S ? Did nanaji's prediction went correct?? :-p.

    I am laughing thinking of the fate of Shin after the answer sheet..poor lad.But I guess he is the most creative one in ure clz..!

    by the way Mrs.Elsemma and Mrs.Wilson are from kerala na?

  22. miss biganza,
    i think i know the ans...less grass-thinner ythe cow-less the output...lolz...

  23. my mom studies in Holy Cross Convent School :D

  24. Great recollection:) Awww..Good old school-days:) Hey but you didn't elaborate the Shahnawaz episode..I am dying to hear what happened next?
    Nice post!Cute pictures!

  25. @ ZB
    Thanks buddy..I was talking about writing an entry for your story contest also by giving a south Indian flavor. Hence the request. Now I have modified it and will be ready soon:)

    Let me know if your story contest is still on..

    @ Rahul S
    Yes, after such a long time...why? :)

    I do not remember my marks but i am sure i passed that test:)
    Naniji was proved wrong and my pitch won me a new nintendo CD.

    Yup buddy, you bet they were!

  26. Creative blog!!! Thanks for reminding good old school days.

  27. @ Vishnu

    Thanks.. you have given me one of the best compliments on my blog till date...keep visiting:)

    @ Brocasarea are right and I shall explain the tale with another twist in the part 2. Keep visiting.

    @ Americanising Desi
    Wow that's so amazing. Which city? BTW i read your blogs but could not post a comment due to the format. Take care.

    @ Varsha

    Thanks dear and Welcome to my blog. Well Shahnawaz was a cool, good looking, meritorious student n sportsmen of the class and not the snob as i thought him to be. One of my close fren too had a major soft corner for him...a la kuchie cootchie hota hai types? hahahah...

    Nothing more dear... we really were good frens and I left school after 5th std, so had no recollection of her...sigh:(

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  29. @ Onion Insights

    Thanks for dropping in with such an interesting proposal. I would love to explore this option and I hope I can use my experience and bit of managerial approach here. thanks, I shall log in soon.

  30. U studied Soil Erosion in 4th Std it self? Is it? Me must be either very elder to you or my memory doesn't serve me good of my 4th std.

  31. @ Vee

    Yup..I did. May be the second option is right:)

    So, how you doing? Long time...

  32. Coming back after a long time and I am so glad to see some really nice-write-ups . This was very diffferent from your other ones. Cute and funny :).
    Soil-Erosion. Don't recall when I read that :); you have a really goood memory. Or could this be attributed to Shahnawaz :),

  33. @ Brown Phantom aka prashant

    Thanks buddy... it was nice to hear from you. i was just wondering where have we lost you :)

    Yes there are few things that I do really remember a lot incl this chapter and trust me Shahnawaz has nothing to do in this... We were just very good class mates:)

    @ Infracaninophile
    You see what? :)

  34. I see you have a thing for storytelling.

  35. Hi ekta,
    This is an (A)mateur beginner a.k.a Swati. Can you please tell me from which particular site you get these pictures(the one which you pasted on your post)?? I shall be glad if you could help me name a few.

    Thanks in advance.

  36. @ infracaninophile

    Thanks that sure was a wonderful compliment that too for a person like me who thinks she doesn not have good story telling skills :)

    Infra, keep visiting My blogs:)

  37. @ An (A) B

    Hi, I do not remember the site name as such. I planned to add them with the picture as the source but couldn't do that as the same picture were reflecting on many sites...Besides, I take some pictures from the fwd mails.

  38. Rofl..that was hilarious..even i thought u would have written anish's answer,before really reading what u wrote.. :D..
    PS:ur link's to the pics aint working ;)

  39. Hi Gayathri

    Thanks...I could not link all the pics though. If you let me know ur exact requirement I can help else there is google image always:)

  40. I love the fat cow theory. Kids are so creative.Thanks for sharing that experience with us:-)

  41. Hey girl you are trying different different things and doing it so well too.

    Wowzie! Loved the child like narrative, images and the theme here. Cant wait for the next part of trilogy.Way to go

  42. Very nicely done.
    Watch the typos though!
    Unless you added them
    and meant to show

    Loved the cute little pix
    did you yourself draw them?
    Your narrative wove very nicely
    Your anecdotes? I liked 'em!

    Tongue in Cheek

    Today's word verification


    Usage - He got a good baliking from me for using profane language!

  43. such an awesome cute story! loved every word of it.. though u lost the track of tht mischievous kiddo language... the tale's spun too well! the fat cow!! lol !! u sound like a natural word weaver!

  44. @ Pranav
    Thanks and keep reading. Glad to see you here.

    @ Sanchi
    Thanks, the second part will be out soon…Could not manage time these days…have tons to do, blog hop, reply, write and publish. Keep connected.

    @ The butterfly diaries
    Typos was deliberate
    It happens when a child narrates
    Loved to have you here
    Will come to your diaries and see you there
    Keep visiting, I say
    Tongue in cheek, u made my dayJ

    @ Suruchi
    Thanks Suruchi, I am so glad that yu liked them…keep visiting and keep writing the fabulous stuff as you do.


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