The 'Just Married, Please Excuse' Contest

Marriages are made in heaven but made mad on earth!

a) This is not a book review
b) I am not running a contest but participating (contest details here)
d) I am not just married, but if you have questions on my marriage, pl excuse
e) I am based out of Gurgaon!
In case you are wondering where "c" is? Then c oops see below to read more :)

I have recently finished writing a piece on Indian marriages (link) and stumbled upon this lovely book, "Just Married, Please Excuse", courtesy of the Indiblogger team.  Looks like getting married or not, but writing on marriages is heaven made/send for me.  I believe this book is just written for me, and I just can't wait to read/ gifting it. Let’s cut the preamble short and make it simple for Yashodhra (awww, the cute names she's given to kids & that lovely papad pic on her blog), Here we go….

I am not married, nor contemplating marriage, but this contest got me excited. The prospect of having a luncheon with an author  & publisher is so enticing that I could not resist asking my mom to give me a few of her instances that I can write about. Marriage was the last thing she was expecting me to talk about these days, so I was a bit surprised but nevertheless gave an incident that I too can relate with and how…

I

February 1976, Ms. Bansal (the “bride”) married Mr. Khetan (the “groom”) and moved into his then-family house in Bihar, in a city totally unknown. She embarks upon her new life with many dreams in her eyes and many apprehensions in her heart.  The groom’s family has long migrated to USA and that’s the reason she could not get the chance to meet many members of his family including his younger brothers (the “brother in law”). The shy and coy bride was looking forward to some good interactions with her family and their acceptance.

“Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi” was not existing those days; the culture at in laws house (esp the joint family setting) was still highly formal and very-very demanding. It was then the “just married” bride was taken for a prank that still humors many of them.

Apparently, the “younger brother-in-law” had a close resemblance to the groom, and everyone in the house insisted that he was the groom. In those days, brides did not have the liberty of meeting the grooms before marriage,e but Ms Bansal met him once and clearly remembered his face. After all, He was the guy who, after meeting Ms Bansal, declared that if he would marry, he would marry only Ms. Bansal and no one else. Such a flattering moment- how can a girl ever forget?

She was sure that he was not her husband, but all the ladies were adamant and up on the prank. They hid the groom in another room, made the brother-in-law wear the groom's clothes, and created situations to make the new bride believe that her brother-in-law was the groom. The bride was befuddled and, at one point, was almost about to be confused when an elderly lady intervened and asked other ladies to stop the prank. The actual groom came out from hiding, and everyone burst into peals of laughter. My mom, aka the bride, aka Ms Bansa,l aka now Mrs. Khetan, heaved a breath of relief. She couldn’t help but smile at such a mischievous act of the new-new family.

 II

History repeats itself, and how. Years later, her darling daughter (yours truly) was born, and for some upbringing reasons, she was sent to her maternal grandparents’ house in faraway MP, now Chhattisgarh. With most loving Nana, Nani, 3 uncles, one aunt and no children, I became the pampered child of the household. It was somewhere in the 1980s when a wedding proposal for my aunt came. The prospective groom’s family came to see the bride over a lavish “meet the girl with Chai ka kettle in hands” ceremony. More than the bride, I believe they saw the magnificent house, my Nanaji’s solid reputation, business hold and the girl was approved. They also liked me so much that they asked my nani, my hand, for one of their youngest son (nicknamed Kaju). I was like all eeeks! That Kaju boy looked so stupid, and how dare they think of this, let alone ask. I ran to my eldest uncle and asked him to send them off as I did not want to marry my masi into their family. My uncle laughed and asked me to ignore them. He ensured that I didn’t have to deal with this boy, and the next time they repeated such a thing, he would definitely deal with them. The kind, little, big-hearted me was pacified and bade them forgiveness.  Half heartedly, I agreed to my Masi’s marriage. I was sad to let her go.

Now the whole family came but not the groom. We saw him in pictures and then on the wedding day. The wedding took place over a lavish ceremony, and the bride was sent to her in-laws' house far away in UP. 

There is a post-wedding ceremony where the bride comes to her home for some rituals a few days after marriage. A couple of family members were sent to the groom’s house to bring the bride back to her parents' house, and I was part of the entourage. I was barely 7-8 years old and such a talkative. When I first met my Vijay Mausaji (my aunt’s husband), I immediately gelled with him. I went on talking for hours, bragging about the qualities of my caring and workaholic maasi. He kept smiling all the time, paying sincere attention to me while doing some household work. He asked whether I have seen their house or not and met their big joint family. I nodded in approval, and he took me around to show me the place and the family. I was so pleased to have such a warm and affable husband for my aunt, and all my worries ceased. It was then that he introduced me to his mom, who asked me who I had met. I said all the names clearly, and she asked me if I had met your Mausaji and if I like him or not. I was like Yes, I did and we spoke for hours.

She was surprised when? He just returned from his Benaras trip 5 minutes ago. I said no, he is here, he bring me to you. It was then I knew that the person, who I was chirping to since morning thinking him to be my uncle, is actually his younger brother who looks very similar to him. She was even more surprised to know that he spoke to me for hours, whereas he is known to be very strict, hardly interacting or smiling. Another peal of laughter went around, and even I couldn’t stop smiling over the entire incident.

Such events are ice breakers and sometimes are instrumental in bringing people closer. Like good memories, they stay in our chests of jewels and linger on. So all of you who have “Just married”, “please excuse” such pranks. Take it with chin high and revel in the joy! No joy like newly wedded, trust me and Good luck. I hope you liked my post.

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On an even lighter note: Where is Mama-go-to by the way? J If Mama-go-to Gurgaon, then how about Papa? J

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PS: Watch this space for book reviews. to be followed soon in September 2012

@numerounity