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I aspire to be a "Woman of Substance"
“We are each the authors of our own lives, Emma. We live in what we have created. There is no way to shift the blame and no one else to accept the accolades”
― Barbara Taylor Bradford, A Woman of Substance
As I read through these
lines, my heart made me ponder and I wondered where my life is heading to?
Sitting in the hospital bed, casted from toe to waist in cruel stiff plasters,
one palm folded into fist and tied in tight bandage and head wrapped in white
cotton bandage with stiffness at one side. “Am I an author of my own life”? I
asked to self.
Am I living in what I
created? Did I create this? I asked myself, watching the ants march outside the
window. At that time my plaster or the ants attacking a bowl of sugar candies
did not bother me much as this question. I was a road accident victim,
struggling to piece up my shattered life which I have not written probably but
living definitely.
So what if I have not
authored it yet? I will now charter my life in a way I would like it to be. If
nothing, let me be strong enough to lead on my own terms, some ways at least.
So tomorrow before I ask my life what you have given me, my life should have a
better answer of what this woman is doing for it.
I called up my doctor
and asked when can I start walking? When are they going to make me stand? Are
they honest enough every time they tell me I can walk again or they just pacify
me only to go behind doors and tell my parents in a hush-hush tone that I may
not be able to lead a normal life again?
Dr told me that I can
walk. We are awaiting my bones recuperate back from compound fracture. For that
I need to start eating well and it’s just a matter of time when they will start
the trial. “How about the artificial foot? You said you will get me one and
then I can walk” I asked. “Friend, your residual limb is weak, it has got
multiple fracture and you are just healing from a plastic surgery, we cannot
risk you at this moment” said he.
“But when is the right
time doctor” I asked. “I have been confided to bed for almost 2 months now. I
have forgotten what walking is”. I want to stand, stand on my own feet and I
really hate those who come and tell me that I am gone for life. I want to run
away from them”.
And I did. Soon
doctors found a solution to kick start my re walking process. It was tough and
strength curdling esp at the age of 12-13 yrs, I must tell. But if I haven’t
tried then, if I didn’t chartered on that path then, trust me; I could have
never done it. We become strongest in face of adversity. It’s in pain that we
are closest to god and he whisper into ears- his wisdom. I took an oath
that I am still trying to live by-
1. I will be independent, not letting
disability stop me or gain me favors.
2. Win people with deeds and
sincerity and no pretense. Abhor anyone who sympathizes but delight who encourage.
3. Would not let gender come
between my ambitions, goals & values.
4. Strive to be a woman of substance.
Yes ostracism did not spare me either. It came
and it continues to come in varied format. It shook me, continue to shake me
but couldn't stir me, dissolving into self.
I took inspiration from different things like ants who persists
till the last cube of sugar, the bird who push her kids to fly, woman who scaled
the mountain, Maya Angelou' poems and above all my God. I suffered ostracism
silently, sometime I made noise too and often I fought back. I cried in
seclusion only to gather my strength & fight back. Yes I have become a
fighter, I fought for cause where I saw disconnects. I risked my “loving and
everybody’s favorite” repute to “ferocious independent thinking” women but I
never left what I continued to believe- trying to be a woman of substance. I
hold close to my integrity as I hold my broken foot and continue walking.
I was 12 then and
today I am 32. Life has seen many struggles and it still does so. I live
alone, faraway from my family, in cities across India where the
most able females have shrugged to go and live. I dared to step in
men's world, domain without taking any undue advantage, worked shoulder to
shoulder to prove merit.
There were times when
people left me and moved ahead. They would make faces seeing my shoes, crutch, sound
of artificial limb. Some would avoid an eye contact so that I do not ask them
to include me in their group for lunch or movie. A lot of these people
would come knocking my doors at a night before exams asking my help so that
they can score passing marks. I have left my studies to address their worries,
helped them prepare but next day they will fleet away.
Yes, I made mistakes
and I continue to make them. I however, try not to repeat them but learn from
them.
I remember those times
when my doctors will take me around to other patients and ask me to talk to
them, encourage them and a term they coined- spread an infectious smile. That
boosted my motivations further.
I am not sure whether I
can be called “woman of substance” as that is a very big honor. But I often ask
myself- Am I a woman of substance and how can I become one. Welcome life. I am
trying and striving to be one- Woman of substance.
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Posts
After a long time read something from you which inspired me to comment!!!
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that u r one brave girl and glad u talked about it here. You I am sure will inspire many ppl
A very inspiring post! Its such life changing incidents that infuse strength in us. They help us be the change we want to see.
ReplyDeleteA woman of substance indeed!! I salute you braveheart!!
ReplyDeleteBrave and courageous indeed.
ReplyDeleteTravel India
Indeed, Ekta. You are an inspiration for many! Love you!
ReplyDeleteIf all this doesnt make you a woman of susbstance, I wonder what does! Kudos to your unflinching courage and spirit! Keep going strong. You are a wonderful person and I look forward to chat up with you next time we meet in a blogger meet!
ReplyDeleteOne needs enormous courage to undergo such times!!
ReplyDeleteSalutations!
very inspiring...loved reading it!
ReplyDeleteafter some time.. a post from you. indeed an interesting and most inspiring read. big hugs..!
ReplyDeleteYou are indeed brave and inspiring !! Hats off to you.. very much inspired..!
ReplyDeletebeautiful post, loved it :)
ReplyDeleteU are just amazing... actually.. Hats off to u. It was so gud to meet u and I must say U are a woman of substance. We on our part help others to fight back, not to be disheartened and talk things to make them feel better but when it comes to applying on our own lives we fail. You have done it so well by fighting for yourself matching shoulders with everyone and yet keeping the pace.
ReplyDeleteGod bless!!
very inspiring and yes call yourself woman of substance and take a bow, Ekta. You deserve it.
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nice post Ekta...
ReplyDeleteyou are truly the woman of substance.. keep writing