Decluttering Vicky Vidya Ka Woh Wala Video with Khanna Aunty and Marie Kondo

I was cleaning my cupboards and found dozens of imported unused CDs, now obsolete. Unless you suggest a good alternate usage, spare me the DIYs. I have other drums full of materials waiting to be used in DIY, heaving the last breath of life as I plan to throw away almost everything and have a clean desk, oops, clean house policy. No Mary Condo has been charmed here. Certain things are personal intellectual property at their disposal, too. 

Me being me, even after my bhism pratigya [big vow] to throw all Muda [waste], I started my usual, mental bargain in a la Shakespearean way- to throw or not to throw? Ummm

After some mental strangulation and self-denial, I dil pe patthar rakh ke. [Big boulders on heart, strong willed] I picked a few CDs, including one with Beethoven's old melodies scribbled over it, and went straight out of the house to throw them, across the road, in the bin of course, so there is no turning back.

Khanna Aunty who was just jogging on her back from the club, saw me throwing the diskettes as if it were a national sport and am some sort of Manu Bhakar. True to her nature, she asked me what am I throwing, and when I told her that it was the CDs, she made a goofy face, curved her lips, winked, and asked- Woh Wala Video hai Kya? [Is it "that" video?]

"Woh wala video? Woh Kaun Thi, Aunty? I mean which woh? I asked quizzed. 

"Arre wohh wala video, Vicky Vidya ka. Have you not seen it yet?" Aunty kept asking, stressing on 'woh' and winking her eyes. 

It took me a while to grasp that she is metaphor-ing on the latest Bollywood release starring Rajkumar Rao, Tripti Dimri, and Mallika Sherawat. 

For the unversed, the film is a story of a couple [set in 1997] who film and save their intimate honeymoon video on a compact disc or CD with an underlying idea to save it as a memory to cherish for the rest of their life, especially at the time of disharmony, if ever. As the film plot goes as planned, the CD gets stolen among other things from their house. The rest of the film is spent on finding the CD, nabbing the thief, and comedy of errors around it. 

Me: No Aunty. How can I get their videos? It was a film. Have you seen it?

Aunty Laughing hysterically as if I am asking about their actual video in the film: Hahahaaa no-no. I mean Yes- yes, I have seen that movie but not the "Woh Wala video". Have you seen it?

Me: Yes. I have watched the film. Why do you think I would have Woh wala video with me." By the time I was jarred with the phrase 'woh wala video' and started feeling irritated. 

Aunty: "I thought beta since you are a blogger and you love writing, maybe you are working on their sequel like you did for 'that' Sunny Leone Film. These days toh bloggers and influencers are everywhere. See how well, Kapilaji's daughter Kusha is doing these days. You toh started writing much before her and, so I thought you also must be doing well by now." Do not feel salty with comparison haan. 

Salty? Eh! Well no, I came out unscathed from Aunty's snarky sarcasm. I guess, after your marriage, all sarcasm starts falling flat on the face. Not losing her face, Aunty fired another missile.

Aunty: "Eh er, so why did you not write about it on your blog? Your Khanna uncle and I fell down laughing throughout the film. Only the climax was a tad too preachy. Why can't they make an out-and-out comedy like- Andaz Apna Apna?"

Me: "Yes, the climax was unnecessarily long and could have been well-edited. But the film was on a sensitive subject so I guess they have to show some kind of emotional closure. About writing, I was busy and it didn't interest me enough to write" 

Khanna Aunty: If not writing, why don't you get into the editing? I know you do a lot of pro-bono edit work except your own videos. Sorry Betaji but I kind of felt Deja-who while watching this film.

Me: You mean "Deja vu"?

Aunty: Ditto! I felt like Rajkumar Rao rolled over from Ludo to this film, ekdum same to same. Though he pulled up the goofy role really well. And those 2 henchmen with Sunil Shetty hangover were so funny.

Me: The film also has a hangover of Dum laga Ke Haisha- a mass wedding, and a misfit couple...

Aunty: Yes, that's why Rajkummar Rao looked old for the role? Donning the same look from an old film must have made him look weary. But I liked the heroines, they both looked good.  The film also has that animal wali National Crush Bhabhi Dipti Timri. Mere Mehboob mere sanam. There was so much controversy around her song in the film but Netflix people did not play the song on my TV.

Me: You mean Tripti Dimri? And mere mehboob mere sanam was in duplicate/ bad news. It was "Mere Mehboob" in this film. and that item song was in the end.

Aunty: Item song? In the end? Item song mein toh who apne Bigg Boss wali Shehnaaz Gill thi na? And climax had that Daler Mehendi's old Kabootar wala song- Nana na re. But in that song, she was wearing a nice Punjabi suit and dancing like a doll, which did not seem vulgar at all. Achche songs khatam ho agye kya? everyone is remixing the old hits and this film has so many old songs. 

Me: That song was at the end of the film during post-film credits. 

Aunty: Yeh Lo ji, she turned into an item girl? Mallika Sherawat ko Kumar Sanu ke song pe dance karwa diya. Heroine Doctor ho ke, item songs kar rahi hai. Climax mein all extras are lowering their pallu and Rajkumar Rao is trying to look like Sallu, giving lectures on Mahabharat. Ghor Kalyug. This film should have some consultants. Betaji, why don't you try that job? It should be WFH.

Me: Great idea Aunty. Hope I find something. Speaking of Kalyug, that film was also made on a similar subject but was a sensitive one. 

Aunty: Yes, Beta, maybe they should have taken Vicky Kaushal and Vidya Balan for this film, tab banti Vicky-Vidya ka video, pairing bhi achchi lagti, unusual like Vijay Raaz and Apni Sherawat in the film. They were so good. I even liked watching Archana Paan Singh and Rakesh Bedi play the old couple decades after the Shrimaan Shrimati serial. 

Me: Puran Singh you meant? Lolz. Yes, all the supporting cast was good. Though the film did not have novel jokes to offer I laughed anyway. So what if it's slapstick, so what if it has cringe jokes on piles and an angry-looking Shehnaaz Gill dancing on Kareena Kapoor's number from 2003 in 1997? So what if it was borrowed from Cameron's Sex Tape. 

Khanna Aunty: Dekha, kar dita na Hollywood walon ko Bollywood ne phir famous! Woh bhi bina theatrical re-release like these days. Sex Tape, it is also on Netflix lolz. Only the word sex tape is common in both films. Haan, but the hero is cute. 

Me: Aunty when have you started seeing English films that are too bold?

Khanna Aunty: <coyily> Aunty don't have emotions kya? Shakespeare once said, "All the world will once become an aunty". Just because your Khanna uncle will not take me to the multiplex, will I not watch films okay? Now, I have my own iPad ;) Remember you used to rent me film CDs from Bigflix? Now, I have original Netflix directly at my home :) 

Me: Oh yes, it was so much hassle with country code and codec extra that many CDs would not play on the laptop. Hmph, those days. You still may have that one CD left, as the service closed, and we didn't get our deposits back. 

Aunty: Oh yes! Come, I will show that to you with some Camomile tea and quaesa ke chillas [quaesadilas].

Me: Later Aunty,  I have to declutter my CD collection, they're lying unused. 

Aunty: Do it later, betaji. Jaise Purani picture was theatre mein release ho rahi hai, who knows, CDs will come back too? 

Me: Haan waise bhi Marie koun-do din mein chali jayegi [cracks PJ]

Aunty: Waah! You must pursue your writing and media career.

Me: I would love to but I am directionless.

Aunty: And we do not have any brand to plug in here like they do in almost all content these days. Heehee

Btw, have you seen Stree 2?

Me: Oh yes Aunty and have written about it HERE.

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Well, Khanna Aunty and my conversations are almost decades old and may continue to happen. I hope you like "Comeback with Aunty". Stay tuned. Keep reading this blog. Ciao!

Numerounity

PS: This blog has quite some content in Hindi language [marked bold and Italics] If you are a non-Hindi-speaking audience or Non-Indian, feel free to ask me the meaning/translation.