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Tuesday, November 06, 2012 4 Comments


[pam-per]  Show IPA
verb (used with object)
to treat or gratify with extreme or excessive indulgence,kindness, or care: to pamper a child; to pamper one's stomach.
Archaic to overfeed, especially with very rich food; glut.

They say its easier said and they have said it with utmost ease. To say I am hurt is an understatement. Why? Who gives us the right to hurt others esp the one who sincerely looks upon we irrespective of the way we treated them often? 

Someone told me many things today, and told so casually. Good and bad? No its always been bad only. And there's a new addition today to the hall of shame. Of all the people, I am one of the least "pampered" one. For a moment I wondered if my English knowledge is depleting. I re checked the dictionary and found the meaning as given above. I pondered for hours and still am- if I am pampered or even spoiled. Well there are few people who closely observed me from my childhood till date, every little change that I went through including all characteristic traits- developing,  re-developing and displayed. Those people were with me during almost every phase of my life and people who loved me unconditionally and fairly. Couple of them have died and I really feel their vacuum so much esp when someone misunderstands me, someone that I hold somewhat close or precious to self.

I am highly emotional person and often the decision (personal) that I take are laden with dollops of emotions. If at all my emotion is unfair to anyone, its me. At least that's the prerogative I have set for adult self. Talking about vacuum, I have learnt a lesson that never try to fill vacuum created by one person with other person. It will only end up hurting you and the sacrosanct relation you had with the person hitherto. 

I am not a pampered person
At least not by the definition that dictionary has for the word. Here's how-
1. to treat or gratify with extreme or excessive indulgence,kindness, or care: to pamper a child; to pamper one's stomach.

I was never treated with extreme kindness. As a shy child, I had my share of woes where a lot people used to bully me and I use to run around corners to save myself and hid those tears. Life has thrown me to hot water and cold streams, time and again but I braved (attempted at least) it with all that attitude, all that belief that I put myself in. Off course people did care but I guess I won them over with my positive attitude and sense of fairness. I always and still believe in win win deals and two way communication. Never disrespected feedback but was told to be selective in choosing them. Some people gave feedback that I can never walk. I got bit worried, I checked the reason and tried to understand and tried curbing all that in my might. Their words did not ring in my ears after a certain point but people who have shown confidence in me, it's their courage that helps me sail. And I sail alone. by choice or by virtue of it. I took positive feedback and moved ahead with life. A lot of my detractors ate their word- majority had courage to accept and acknowledge  while few did not bother. Off course, misunderstanding happens but often they changed into understandings. I always give weight age to people who truly cared about me and the process in whole. People who just acted as my worst critic (thankless ones) never made to my list of people who I can ever rely or trust upon. For I never could assimilate enough trust in them and they too did not "pamper" me with such trust. 

Extreme kindnesss? Well There are days when I could not take a single step but a majority of people push me and walk ahead. A majority of time I pay for services/ products not rendered. Same people come and tell me that I should not take things lying but same people stab me whenever convenient. My parents tried and put me through every hardship to make me strong, making me handle my own issues ever since my childhood. I was beaten, ostracized, made to live under strict budgets, worked on my own to gather my place under sun, amid family and clan. Not just in one city, in protective confinement of my home but across all the cities I traveled and lived. Nani use to call me "kasturi". She believed that I always win over everyone around with my simplicity and warmth. But that was nani, she was a simple home maker and not a big executive in any firm or multimillionaire or social guru. She was a simple woman who brought me up with love but yet control. She was my Geeta, my Krishna, my pillow whose chest i would hid my face and can sob. Now nani is no more. Mama is no more and no one can remotely fill his place either.

If you think, talking about nani-mama is such a childish urge, well these were the people I grew up with. These people saw my development from extreme shy to somewhat outgoing (yet still shy from within). These people noticed my early behavior and it's patterns. I however, am not comfortable sharing my personal woes with people and one may not know if anything eats me inside. Oh yes, parents are magical. However, staying away from them has helped me inducing that veil.

2. Coming to second definition, well I have been staying out from home since 2008. Prior to that I was known for meager eating habits. So that definition does not hold true I believe.

So, there I am, back to square one- how am I pampered? I know the extreme conditions I was lived through, struggled to win things per my ability and not seeking advantage of any sort, above all I know myself. I am the girl who did not tick the PH column in her exams and other places to gain namesake benefits for the pain she endured. So when anyone put a finger on that raw nerve of mine, I get extreme upset. Its easy to say. Right. Easy to mark/ refer that thing in me or anyone of that sort. It's the weakest link that I suffer myself and a remark like that just add fuel to it. Is it my mistake that I chose to live unlike my contemporaries and have strict objections to people who either try to flirt with to gain a point or filth me down to earn self esteem. I do not use your personal information to pass muck on you but I am further scared to confide anything in you, any further. All these just cause I chose not to talk about it or make such a big issue?

 I am angry and yes I am very angry. Angry with self and sad with few people and the word they chose. Yes, they said they used some of it create the hurt. Well the hurt has been successfully created.


(This is a note to self, a rant for self and I seek no comments on this post pl. It's just a note that I want to leave myself and evaluate. I still insist, I am not PAMPERED nor spoilt)

The autor is half Human, half machine. Go Figure or just revel in what I write


  1. No Ma'am, you most definitely are not pampered :)

  2. Please don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t get hurt. Ignore those people who try to hurt you. They are useless. Your grandma was right. You will always win over everyone around with your simplicity and warmth. You said she is a simple home maker and not a big executive in any firm. Ekta, I echo your grandma’s words without any hesitation.

    No matter what, we are with you always all the time. At least, I am.

  3. Ekta, its we who attach importance to what people say, some times they are not that important. You are a definitely a strong girl. There is nothing wrong with being pampered by you parents. You may be just another person in the crowd but for your parents you are the only one. All those who have been pampered by their parents are blessed ones.Yes, I pamper my daughter but also keep a keen eye that she never crosses the line. No body can take you for granted...period.


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